(under the explanation of my reviosns, is the actually newly improved paper.)
Explanation of my Revisions:
Last year when I wrote my first real, hardcore, research paper, it didn’t go so well and so I wanted to redeem myself. I was actually looking forward to this year’s research paper because I wanted to prove to myself that I could handle it. I wanted to own that paper.
I decided to revise my artist research paper because I really wanted to make my paper even better then I thought it turned out. The paper took forever to write but I figured that I should put all my effort into the paper, especially since I was going to spend so much time on it.
What I did to edit my research paper was rearrange sentences and paragraphs, and take unnecessary parts away. What I noticed about my paper is that, I have all the pieces to make a really well written essay, I just need to get the parts in the right order. For example, I ended up taking paragraphs that were in the middle of my essay and moving to the beginning after the first paragraph. Those paragraphs sounded like an introduction to what I talked about in the beginning of my essay anyhow so I figured, why not move them around.
Also in this essay, I had a habit of repeating myself in different sentences, in different ways. I think this happened to me because I was so stuck on trying to make this paper as long as possibly. Not only did I noticed that I repeated myself, but I noticed that I took a long time to get to my point. Rather then saying what needed to be said, I wrote long unnecessary explanations they lead to my point. So what I did was erased sentences that were saying the same things and erased parts of the long explanations that lead to my points. Erasing the long explanations seemed effective. The deduction of the explanations moves the paper along a lot faster when being read and allows the reader to stay focused on what’s being discussed which helps keep the attention of the reader.
That’s basically all that I did. I took parts out and moved paragraphs around. This did seem to shorten my paper, but I feel like due to the changes, the paper sounds significantly more sophisticated and extremely well thought out, (in my opinion of course haha) like I intended.
Revised Judy Pfaff Reasearch Paper